this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
