wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
