Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Randomize
