I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
