why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
