College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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