The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
