God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
