I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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