The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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