got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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