I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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