Where is the hickey?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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