Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we made out on top of his cat.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
