I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
