You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
