don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
