I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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