I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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