So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
