College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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