fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want a musical about memes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
