I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
