I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
