ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
