Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
