she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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