you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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