I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
