This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
