please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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