Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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