And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
