I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
