Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
