I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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