You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
