Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dear god my vagina.
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