I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
