I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
