My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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