C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've blown a few things in my day
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
