I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
