I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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