watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
