i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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