I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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