Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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