Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
