why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
