HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up under a house in Key West
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
