dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
