just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
